


you define everything i've ever known (but why, why me, when you could have had anybody)

by astronauts



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, F/M, IM JUST REALLY EXCITED ABOUT TALLY MARK AUS, tally mark au, there are other characters but im too lazy to tag
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-19
Updated: 2015-05-01
Packaged: 2018-03-24 16:37:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3775765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astronauts/pseuds/astronauts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>au in which every time a person falls in love, a red line like a tally mark appears on their wrist. when their love is requited, the red line turns black and when their loved one dies, the tally mark becomes a scar.</p><p>(also known as the tally mark au i wanted to read and i'm the only one excited about this)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> tally mark au based on this post: http://thegeekynerdfan.tumblr.com/post/99251006037/jaxtellerhelps-tuckedshirts-pretendersrpa
> 
> (title from tonight alive's my favourite thing)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which laura begins her adventures at silas high

You learn about the tally marks when you turn six. About the way the universe works, and how unfair the world is. You were six when you watched your dad's black mark morph into a jagged and ugly scar, standing out at the front of his wrist along with other red ones littering his forearm. You hear his heart wrenching sobs filling the hospital waiting room and you watch him grasp tightly into his wrist, as if willing the mark to revert back to its previous neat black line. You grab his fingers, concern lacing your features and he shoots you a quick grimace. You crawl into his lap and you stroke gently at the scar, now dragged across his thick wrist. He's crying and you're confused and tired so you wrap your arms around his neck and you hold him tightly. It only hits you when you get home later that night, when your dad gently drops the bag of your mom's belongings onto the table and only then did you start to cry, because your mom was gone, and all that's left is the scar running across your dad's arm.

Your dad tries to go out with others a few years after your mom passes, but each time he returns, you count the marks on his forearm and you run your pointer finger down his arm and you land on the last scar, and he shakes his head. The women he goes out with inevitably has a red mark within the first few dates, and they just keep waiting for it to turn black but it never does. And when you turn eleven, your dad decides he's fine being on his own. 

 

 

You remember running home one day after school to your dad. You were fourteen and you've barely started high school. Your school mates laughed at you for the lack of marks on your arm and you eye their forearms somewhat enviously. Your friends shoot you sympathetic looks all the time and you listen when they discuss excitedly about new marks forming on their arms. 

"Is something wrong with me?" You whisper quietly and your dad sighs and pulls you into his lap. You curl into his arms and you cry, because your friends all had several red marks, some even black marks. And yours was just an empty canvas. 

Your dad starts cracking lame jokes with you still on his lap and you laugh along with him, and you decide that you're okay with a blank canvas as well. 

You're sixteen when someone blames you for the lack of marks on your arms. Your boyfriend had grabbed your wrist and he'd pointed at his own red mark, running down across his wrist just for you. He had said that you built your walls up too high, that you're causing yourself this problem, that you're the problem. And all you can muster was a half hearted apology. You don't let anyone in after that, you don't even try anymore. 

 

* * *

 

You're nineteen now, and you're transferring into Silas High only two months after their term starts. Your dad was skeptical about this arrangement but you assure him that you'd catch up. 

Your dad pulls up at the curb and smiles at you, pulling all your bags out. Your eyes kind of bulge at the wide array of self defense weapons hidden in different zip lock bags and giant black bags. You stare pointedly at your dad and he gives you a sheepish grin but shows no intent of bringing them back. You sigh, resigned and you pick up some of your bags, strolling towards the reception area. 

 

 

"Hey!" You hear someone's enthusiastic call from the side and you turn to see a redhead waving you over. Your eyes trace her red curls and her sharp cheekbones and you blink. "You must be Laura?" You nod quickly.

"Ah, you're on the fourth floor. I'm Perry, by the way." She smiles warmly and you take your things from your dad. You promise him a whole list of things and when he finally seems satisfied, you press a kiss to his cheek and you stroke down his scar, and you watch him leave Silas. 

You follow Perry up four flights of stairs and you think you should start taking your dad's cardio exercises more seriously when you arrive at the fourth floor, panting like there's no tomorrow. You tilt your head at the number thst hung across your door. 407, and you follow Perry into the room. You drop your bags onto the ground next to the bed and spin yourself around to survey the room. Half the room was taken up and filled with personal items. It wasn't too shabby for a college dorm room, you think, though it wasn't spacious either. Perry clears her throat behind you and you turn to face the floor don. 

 

 

"So Laura," she smiles at you and you grin back at her. "Your roommate will return soon, I hope." You tilt your head at her sentence and she smiles. You crane your neck slightly to peer at her wrist and you shook your head, you shouldn't be interfering with other's lives but you always liked looking and you were always curious. She decides to leave the room to allow you to unpack a few moments later. You nod and thank her, giving her one last smile before she hurries out of your room. You press your thumb into your left wrist and dragged it along the smooth unmarked skin, huffing softly into the quiet of the room. Flopping back onto your bed, you close your eyes and run your fingertips along the smooth bedsheets. 

You let yourself breathe for a minute or so before you push yourself up again to unpack your items. You hang your clothes up in your half of the closet and stack the folded ones neatly by the side, all the while staring at the pile of black clothes in the other end of the closet. You pull your laptop out and set it on the desk at the foot of your bed and stack your books up against the wall. Satisfied finally with everything in place, you unroll your Orlando Bloom poster and you smile giddily at it, tilting your head at the half smile on his face in the poster. You put it up on the wall next to your bed and fall back into the mattress, hugging the pillow to your chest and smiling at no one in particular. And you think that this might just be a good start to something even greater. 

 

* * *

 

You're playing around with your laptop when the door smacks open against the opposite wall. You frown and spin around on the swivel chair, your gaze falling on a raven haired girl, sauntering into your room. 

 

 

"Um excuse me, but who the hell are you?" You arch an eyebrow at her and she looks up at you for a second. 

"I'm Carmilla." She drawls as she tosses her bags onto the opposite bed. "I'm your roommate, and trust me, I didn't agree to this arrangement either, sweetheart."

_Oh no_

The corner of your lips tug downwards when Carmilla connects her phone to her portable speakers. Almost immediately, loud music comes pouring out and flooding into your room and you open your mouth to protest but she beats you to it. 

"Not gonna introduce yourself, cupcake?" She pops open a can of  _your_ grape soda and you watch her down her first mouthful. You just stare at her in shock and disbelief because three hours ago, you were sure your college experience will be a memorable and unforgettable one but now you kind of just want to slam your head into a brick wall. 

You mutter angrily through gritted teeth that  _you're Laura_  and she smirks, satisfied for the time being. You spin the chair back and face your laptop again, pulling up a new tab for your  _tumblr_  and typing angrily into a new post about your new insufferable roommate. You think about how you're going to spend the next two years with her and that thought makes you want to throw up. You squint and channel your rage through poking furiously at the keyboard and you swear you can almost feel her smirking behind your back.

 

* * *

 

 Your first day in Silas High started off a complete disaster, when you wake up and realize that you've slept through your alarms. You glare in the direction of your roommate, lazily lounging in her bed and you squint at your phone. You're ninety percent sure you set five alarms last night, each one with a five minute interval, but all of them were turned off. Carmilla's eyes meet yours as she peers over the top of her book, her posture unmoving. 

"I turned them off, they were noisy."

And you want to smack her in her pretty face because it's your first day, and your classes start in ten minutes, and you're in bed. 

"That's actually the point of an alarm, they're noisy so they wake you, you know." You bite back angrily, throwing the covers off yourself and grabbing clothes before making a beeline for the bathroom. You hear Carmilla snicker behind your back and you suck in a breath through your gritted teeth. 

You get dressed in record timing and you're out of your door without a single word to the useless prick still in the same position as before. You have three minutes to get to your class, which might've been enough time if you actually knew where your class was located at. You shoulder your bag and looked down at your schedule, scanning the piece of paper quickly as your footsteps quicken. 

You're sure you've almost found the class when suddenly you collide with something. You stumble backwards and your paper falls to the ground along with your bag. 

"Shit sorry!" You look up to see someone extending their hand towards you. You tilt your head and allow yourself to be pulled up. "I didn't see you there."

You shook your head and apologized instead and then you realized how tall she actually was. You tilt your head up and stare at her red locks and she grins at you. 

"First day?" She smiles and you nod, embarrassed. The bell rings loud and clear around you and you jump in shock. "Where's your class at?"

You fumble with the piece of paper and smoothen it out. "I have lit at C2-09." You look back up in time to see her eyes light up. 

"Hey me too," she grins down at you genuinely and you couldn't help the face splitting grin that forms. "Let's go, frosh. We're late." She tugs at your arm gently and you quickly follow her, trying your best to catch up with her footsteps. 

"I'm Laura." You call out breathily when you arrived at your class before the teacher steps in. The tall redhead wets her lips and her eyes crinkle into a smile. 

"Danny." 

 

* * *

 

You hang out with Danny and her small circle of friends that afternoon, and you recognize Perry, the floor don who settled you in yesterday and you flash her a smile. At her side was Lafontaine and you decide they're pretty cool. The four of you sit together at a table and you listen to them talk about their day. 

You zone out when you notice Carmilla trudging into the cafeteria, her arms rigid at her sides. You eye her as she dumps herself into a table at the far corner. She props her legs onto the table and she crosses them at the ankles, quickly flipping open a book, something you recognize from the stack of ancient books she keeps on her shelf. You don't realize your hands clenching tighter around your fork until Perry speaks up, breaking you from your reverie and forcing you to tear your eyes away from Carmilla. 

"You okay?" Perry gently touches your elbow and you almost flinch, but she smile at their concerned looks and nodded. 

"I'm fine."

"Who you looking at?" Danny asked through a bite of her sandwich. Your eyes unconsciously flick back to the raven haired girl, still sitting at the table, unmoving. "Oh, Carmilla."

You notice Danny's voice dripping with disgust as her tone turns bitter. She squints at your roommate and you tilt your head. "What, did she offend you once or—" you trail off, waiting for Danny's explanation. 

"She just—" Danny juts her bottom lip out and you bite back a grin. "I don't know, she annoys me okay?"

Lafontaine shakes their head and chuckles. "They've been at it for a long time, they can't stand each other. Once we put them together in a room for five minutes and—"

"Okay, we don't need to talk about that." Danny pokes her finger at LaF's cheek and they grin. 

"Cut her some slack, you guys." Perry nudged Danny. "It isn't easy being the Dean's daughter."

Your eyes widen for a second too long and Danny catches you. "Why're you so interested in her anyway?"

"She ah—" you tilt your head and glance at Carmilla. "She's my roommate."

You're kind of sorry you said that when Danny sucks in a breath through gritted teeth, and her face turns red. You want to comment on how her face now compliments her hair but she explodes in your face with a loud 'what?!' And you wince, arching an eyebrow at her. "Good luck with the beast from hell, Laura." She grumbles, picking up her half eaten sandwich again. You lick your lips and mumble your  _thanks_. Your eyes trail back to Carmilla's form but Lafontaine starts talking about their experiments and you listen to them again. They mention something about using chemicals to break test tubes and you poke at your plate. 

"I'm all about exploding test tubes." You laugh, your voice laced with a hint of sarcasm and LaF grins so wide at you, you return it with a quiet snort. 

"I like this one." They shot a thumbs up towards you and you fist bump them. Perry rolls her eyes and sighs but you see the hint of a smile playing at her lips and you try to look at her wrist again but you stop yourself. You rub your unmarred wrist again, as if on reflex and you smile. 

And you decide that your first day could've been worse than this.


	2. II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which girls start going missing and laura totally doesn't care about carmilla

You step into the cafeteria together with LaFontaine after your class together on Friday afternoon. And you listen to them talk about their latest project in the biology lab. You belch when they mention something about collecting dead frog specimens and you hurry in before them. Your eyes scanned the cafeteria for your other friends but it turned out the task wasn't so hard, when Danny was practically shouting in the middle of the tables, and it proves a giant screaming ginger isn't that hard to locate afterall. You furrow your eyebrows questioningly and look at LaF, but they return the confused gaze and you shrug, quickly pulling yourself closer to your other two friends.

"I'm just saying," Danny growled at Perry and you feel LaFontaine tense beside you. "She's been missing for the entire night last night, and no one cares!"

"Uh–hey guys what's up?" You shuffle awkwardly to wedge yourself in between the two gingers. 

"One of the Summer Soc sisters went missing last night, Betty?" Perry looks at you and tilts her head and you shook yours in response, you've been here a week and you barely knew anyone. "Anyway, she's been missing since last night and— 

"And the campus police refuses to do anything until 24 hours is up." Danny sighed, falling back into the squeaking cafeteria chair. "They're such irresponsible bastards," Danny grumbles and you swallow. "I've called them multiple times and all they can say is 'maybe your little girlfriend's decided that she's better off somewhere else'." Danny lowers her voice an octave and imitates the officers. "If it weren't a phone call, I would've decked them in their disgusting faces."

Perry drops an arm onto Danny's bicep and the taller redhead squints at her. "Well, we can't do anything yet, so—" LaFontaine drags out the last word. "I guess we'll just wait. 

You cross your legs and hunch into the hard plastic chair when suddenly you hear the cafeteria doors slam open. The four of you bolt up immediately and Perry rushes forward to meet the blonde standing by the door. You think you've seen her before, maybe in your History class but you couldn't be sure, you've always been bad with recognizing faces. 

You focus back on Perry and the girl and although you couldn't hear them, the way Perry's face drains of all its color is enough to send your heart beat into overdrive. They shuffle over and you watch the blonde. Her hair was disheveled and her eyes were puffy, her lips emanating small sobs and hiccups. Perry sends quick glances around the table and her gaze falls on Danny's for a longer while. 

"Hey Emily," Danny gently touches her arm. "What's wrong?"

Now you remember an Emily from your History class. You watch as she sobs loudly again. 

"Her sister left for the quad mixer party last night and never returned." Perry spoke slowly. 

"I've sent her multiple texts and calls but she won't return them, and this morning when I returned back to my dorm from my morning classes, a note was stuck onto the wall and it says she's tired of this place and she'd transferred out, but all her clothes are still in, and my sister isn't this kind of person." The last part came out small and you grip the edge of your chair. The temperature around you seemingly drops a few notches and you look at LaF. 

 Two missing girls in one night.

* * *

Danny escorts Emily back to her dorm later, and the remaining three of you return to your last class of the day. You try not to think too much about the events that had just unfolded but you couldn't, so you spend your entire time in class scribbling out the names of the two victims and you try to figure out what they have in common. 

You're left with the final five minutes of class and you've drawn it down to the kidnapper liking blondes, but you strike that off with a red pen and you listen to the teacher droning on in front of you. The bell rings loudly from the PA system and you sigh, shoving your books into your bag and slinging it over your left shoulder. You pull the other strap over and hopped around while making your way out, evening out the weight on your shoulders. 

You bump into Danny on the way back to your dorm and she waves at you lethargically, her fists clenched at her sides. 

"How's the situation?" You ask, slipping your thumbs under the straps of your bag. She twists her lips to the side and groaned. 

"Still nothing, we won't get to do much until campus police takes us seriously." Danny fumes and you pout, your eyebrows knitting together. "I'm going back to the Summer Soc house, to see if Betty left any clues, I'll see you tomorrow? 

"I—yeah sure," you bite at your lip before tugging at Danny's arm. "Hey I was thinking we could, I don't know, combine our forces and figure something out? 

Danny eyes you for a moment before a smile surfaces and you grin back. "Yeah afterall, two is better than one huh, frosh." You nod and she waves at you before trusting off in the opposite direction. You pull yourself up four flights of stairs and you feel like you need an oxygen tank.

(You really need to do something about your physical fitness.)

Rummaging your bag for your keys, you huff and lean against the door. You silently congratulated yourself when you manage to find your keys, wedged in between two textbooks and you push the door open. Carmilla wasn't in the room and you were thankful, but your eyes flit around and you take note of the piles of clothing around the room, the scattered books and drink cans around and you want to stab someone. 

You fling your bag in the direction of your bed and you start picking Carmilla's junk up, lifting her blanket up and shoving them into her bed. You smirk triumphantly and you throw her sheets back after stuffing all her belongings onto her bed. Lying back down onto your own bed, you laughed out loud to yourself. "That'd teach her a lesson." You sneer and stuck your tongue out at no one in particular. 

You were lounging around on your bed and watching episodes of your favorite TV shows when the door swings open and Carmilla rushes in. You raise your eyebrow at her flustered movements and she composes herself after noticing you in the room. 

"It's Friday, cupcake." She cocks her head at you. "And you're dressed in your PJs and watching America's Next Top Model."

"Wha—" you start and you see her smirk. "I'll have you know, America's Next Top Model is a very decen— 

"Yeah whatever." Carmilla brushes you off and quickly grabs her things from her wardrobe. She slings a bag over her shoulder and reaches for the doorknob again. You suddenly remember the girls disappearing only at night and you spring up from your bed. 

"Wh—" you grab Carmilla's arm and she flinches back in surprise, making you drop her arm. "Where are you going? It's late."

She rolls her eyes at you. "Since when do you care?" 

"It's just, two girls went missing in the past day and I was afraid—"

"I'm fully capable of taking care of myself, if that's whats you're worried about, cutie." She bites back and you glare at her. 

"Evidently." You growl at her and fall back into your bed. She slams the door behind her without another word and you train your eyes on the brown mahogany door, convincing yourself that you only did that because you were looking out for a fellow female, and you didn't actually care about her. No, you didn't care about her. You avert your gaze and you stare at the lump on Carmilla's bed instead and you're kind of disappointed that she never noticed your masterpiece. 

But you sigh and roll over to look at your bedside clock. The glaring red numbers blink back at you and you rub your eyes tiredly. 

_**23:49**_

You slide under the blankets and you feel yourself dozing off almost immediately, and all that fills your mind is Carmilla.

* * *

 You wake up the following morning to an incessant beeping emanating from your alarm clock. You whack blindly at the device and blink your eyes open. Groggily pushing yourself up, you notice that the bed opposite yours was still unoccupied, and that the pile of junk was still hidden under the sheets. 

You feel your heart rising up to your throat you push it down. 

_She can handle herself, she can handle herself._

You get dressed quickly and before you knew it, you were knocking furiously against Perry and LaFontaine's dorm door. They open the door and tilted their head at you. 

"Anything about the missing girls yet?" You rush out and LaF looks at you. She shakes her head and you eye her pajamas. 

"No why?" They invite you in and you follow quickly, sighing shakily and wringing your hands together. 

"I—Carmilla left the dorm last night at eleven and she didn't return all night and," you look up in time to see Perry stepping out from the bathroom. She greets you with a nod of her head and you wave at her. 

"Carmilla's missing too?" Perry asks, seating herself beside LaF. You shrug nonchalantly but you were brimming with anxiety, and you're not exactly sure why. Perry decides to go out for some coffee and breakfast and you nodded. The two of you allow LaFontaine to change before you were out of their room. The three of you walk the short distance to the nearby Starbucks and you join the two of them in the queue.

The two redheads promise you that it'd be okay, that you didn't have to be so worried, and that the girls will return safely. You weakly retort that you're not worried about your roommate and LaF just shoots Perry a look, which she returns. You lick your lips and place your coffee order while sliding into the booth beside LaF. And you convince yourself you don't care. 

You don't care about Carmilla, you don't care about her. _You don't care._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yikes okay sorry for the long wait, i don't exactly have a schedule for updating this but i'll try my best.
> 
> secondly, this chapter is really short because i don't know how to end chapters and this seems appropriate enough so there's that.
> 
> and thirdly, i found out that someone else had already written a tally mark au (thanks for the heads up Monique!!) so i correct my statement about it not being written yet oKAY (im still excited)
> 
> also, the next chapter may be in Carmilla's pov.
> 
> thanks for reading!!


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